My F day: Friend (my last name), final day of the alphabet!, Fiona Apple, "Free Fallin'" cover by John Mayer, fruit juice, fruit, Feist, four seasons of Private Practice watched completely, free sandwich from the craft services truck (I get free food every day but not from the truck, ergo it was better), Facebook (alphabet made me...), Format, first night in too many at East West Suites aka the worst motel in all of California, fitness attempted but not completed, and fell asleep at nine.
F song: Fink - "If Only"
F word...: family
Friend is my last name. It comes from my dad's side of the family, obviously. I have heard about a million jokes.
Yes, I have heard all of the jokes. You are certainly not the first person to say anything about it to me. It also doesn't help that you point out that I probably hear jokes all the time. I do. We both know it. No need to talk about it.
No, random cashier, I'm not your friend.
"Family and Friends" is the worst pun I have ever heard. Sure, I say it all the time. Sarcastically. So, if you say it to me, I will laugh and tell you it's funny. Sarcastically. I hate you. Really. I hate you.
THE END.
- Barbara
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Alphabet Day 25: X
My X day: I really got nothing, but on this day, I moved out of the Oakwood, where I had been staying throughout my time in Los Angeles. I also spent the morning with one of the Oakwood maintenance supervisors inspecting all of the apartments of the kids in my program. The guy hardly spoke, so that was a super awkward few hours. Again, this has nothing to do with the letter X.
X song: (this is the best I could do with my music) Coldplay - "Charlie Brown" from their album Mylo Xyloto
X word: xylophone
The Xylophone was waiting at a street corner for it to be safe to cross. He looked up and saw a flyer for band auditions. The Xylophone had never been picked for a band before, probably because he's a nerd of an instrument, but he had a good feeling about this one. Maybe the Christmas cheer or the fact that the Piccolo had winked at him just yesterday. I bet she just had something in her eye, but whatever it was, the Xylophone knew that this would be his chance. So, he pulled the flyer off the light post and continued his journey home.
The next day, he polished off his resonators, like that would help, and he skipped down to the studio where the auditions were being held. When he got there, electric guitars and drum kits were warming up everywhere. They all gave him a look like "what the f*ck is this guy doing here?" and rightfully so because, like I said, he's a loser. Anyway, the Xylophone found a saxophone in the corner of the hallway who looked approachable. However, even the Saxophone couldn't be seen with the Xylophone.
Luckily for the Xylophone, he was up next for auditions. So, he followed the Microphone and the Bass into the studio room, and those idiots gave him the gig because they were playing dumb Christmas songs, and Christmas songs are the only songs that actually need a xylophone.
Whatever.
THE END.
- Barbara
X song: (this is the best I could do with my music) Coldplay - "Charlie Brown" from their album Mylo Xyloto
X word: xylophone
The Xylophone was waiting at a street corner for it to be safe to cross. He looked up and saw a flyer for band auditions. The Xylophone had never been picked for a band before, probably because he's a nerd of an instrument, but he had a good feeling about this one. Maybe the Christmas cheer or the fact that the Piccolo had winked at him just yesterday. I bet she just had something in her eye, but whatever it was, the Xylophone knew that this would be his chance. So, he pulled the flyer off the light post and continued his journey home.
The next day, he polished off his resonators, like that would help, and he skipped down to the studio where the auditions were being held. When he got there, electric guitars and drum kits were warming up everywhere. They all gave him a look like "what the f*ck is this guy doing here?" and rightfully so because, like I said, he's a loser. Anyway, the Xylophone found a saxophone in the corner of the hallway who looked approachable. However, even the Saxophone couldn't be seen with the Xylophone.
Luckily for the Xylophone, he was up next for auditions. So, he followed the Microphone and the Bass into the studio room, and those idiots gave him the gig because they were playing dumb Christmas songs, and Christmas songs are the only songs that actually need a xylophone.
Whatever.
THE END.
- Barbara
Friday, December 9, 2011
Alphabet Day 24: G
My G day: got up in the morning and thought about packing but didn't, Guster, got an application for an apartment, got to work late, grape juice, Galaxy cake for Gabe and Craig (because the Dynamo had to go and lose), gradually finished my last school assignment ever (please send money), grub (not the restaurant, we actually went to The Street), garbage room about a gazillion times, and got home and thought about packing but didn't.
G song: Goo Goo Dolls - "Sympathy" I'm freaking obsessed with this song.
G word: gynecologist
I've recently been in the business of TV gynecologists, among other types of doctors, and, let me say, their lives are filled with drama. Drama. For real. Still, these people are beasts at medicine. You couldn't write more successful doctors, oh wait...
So, if you ever find yourself in a TV show and you're sick, I think your odds of living are very good. I would be cautious, however, if you are any of the following: drunk driver, rapist, wife/child abuser, pedophile, or a new mother who's life seems too good to be true.
If you find yourself being one of these, then get out of the TV fast because you will die.
THE END.
- Barbara
G song: Goo Goo Dolls - "Sympathy" I'm freaking obsessed with this song.
G word: gynecologist
I've recently been in the business of TV gynecologists, among other types of doctors, and, let me say, their lives are filled with drama. Drama. For real. Still, these people are beasts at medicine. You couldn't write more successful doctors, oh wait...
So, if you ever find yourself in a TV show and you're sick, I think your odds of living are very good. I would be cautious, however, if you are any of the following: drunk driver, rapist, wife/child abuser, pedophile, or a new mother who's life seems too good to be true.
If you find yourself being one of these, then get out of the TV fast because you will die.
THE END.
- Barbara
Alphabet Day 23: R
My R day: really excited for my first Monday at work, Rocket Summer, Robert Randolph and the Family Band, room (writers' room, that is, and I wasn't cleaning it this time!), Raspberry Snapple, Ruffles, Robert Pattinson (music NOT Twilight), reading scripts, road rage (let's be honest, I have this every day), rushed home in time for Castle, really thought about packing but didn't, and rest.
R song: Ron Pope - "A Drop In The Ocean"
R word: rabbit
Everyone knew that the Rabbit was the best Rabbi in the forest. Every morning he would get up and don his tallit and his yarmulke. He would also eat a carrot because he's a rabbit, and it's kosher.
This morning, though, was extra special. It was the beginning of Hanukkah. The Rabbit retrieved his menorah from his burrow and placed it on the tree stump outside. He lit the first candle and left it burning for everyone to see.
Not ten minutes later did the Rabbit hear a loud knock on his door. He opened it to find the Bear, not the ones in the soda ads, but the one who wears human clothes and pretends he's a park ranger. So, the Bear told him he had to put out the candle because it could start a forest fire. The Rabbit understood, of course, the dangers of a forest fire, but he also knew the importance of keeping his tradition.
So, he went back to his burrow, ordered an electric menorah on eBay, and plugged it in to the power strip located right there in the forest.
It was a Hanukkah miracle, indeed!
THE END.
- Barbara
R song: Ron Pope - "A Drop In The Ocean"
R word: rabbit
Everyone knew that the Rabbit was the best Rabbi in the forest. Every morning he would get up and don his tallit and his yarmulke. He would also eat a carrot because he's a rabbit, and it's kosher.
This morning, though, was extra special. It was the beginning of Hanukkah. The Rabbit retrieved his menorah from his burrow and placed it on the tree stump outside. He lit the first candle and left it burning for everyone to see.
Not ten minutes later did the Rabbit hear a loud knock on his door. He opened it to find the Bear, not the ones in the soda ads, but the one who wears human clothes and pretends he's a park ranger. So, the Bear told him he had to put out the candle because it could start a forest fire. The Rabbit understood, of course, the dangers of a forest fire, but he also knew the importance of keeping his tradition.
So, he went back to his burrow, ordered an electric menorah on eBay, and plugged it in to the power strip located right there in the forest.
It was a Hanukkah miracle, indeed!
THE END.
- Barbara
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Alphabet Day 22: U
My U day: U2 (I really wish I didn't), United States (where I live), uterus (I have one), uneventful apartment searching, ultimate Sunday brunch, underwhelming afternoon, u-turns, ugly weather, unruly interns and comedians doing pretty decent comedy including a joke about Ulysses S. Grant, unadulterated television a la Dexter and Homeland, and underneath my sheets for sleep.
U song: University of Texas Ransom Notes - "Annie Waits" Ben Folds would and should be proud.
U word: umbrella
One time I offered to share my umbrella with a "young gentleman" who I didn't know. It was pouring, truly pouring. Otherwise, nothing would have compelled me to put myself out there like that, like literally nothing. Anyway, he agreed, so I made space for him under my umbrella.
I guess if you're in to someone or dating them or related or whatever, there's not really a rule of personal space when it comes to umbrellas. This was not really the case for us, as we did not know each other that well, at all. So, yea, it wasn't super cozy, and, instead, both of us were drenched on about half of our bodies.
Before we had even hit the second light post at Clark Field, we both realized that the situation was not helping either of us. Like a true "young gentleman" he said that it was my umbrella, so he would make a run for it. He took off his flip-flops, and he sprinted faster than any other white guy I had ever seen. Now, I had the umbrella to myself, and I was no longer getting rained on. Still, I was so touched by his gesture, and I thought it was only fair that I suffer the same fate.
So, I put my umbrella away and made a run for it too.
I finally made it to the dorm, opened the lobby door, and, yea, there he was, looking at me. If I was him, I would wonder why he gave up an umbrella for someone who wasn't going to use it either. Because I thought that's what he thought, I said, "I'm sorry" and ran upstairs.
Of course, that might not have been what he was thinking, I don't know I'm not a mind reader. Anyway, I bet that wasn't what he was thinking, so what I said made no sense, and I never talked to him again. Amen.
THE END.
- Barbara
U song: University of Texas Ransom Notes - "Annie Waits" Ben Folds would and should be proud.
U word: umbrella
One time I offered to share my umbrella with a "young gentleman" who I didn't know. It was pouring, truly pouring. Otherwise, nothing would have compelled me to put myself out there like that, like literally nothing. Anyway, he agreed, so I made space for him under my umbrella.
I guess if you're in to someone or dating them or related or whatever, there's not really a rule of personal space when it comes to umbrellas. This was not really the case for us, as we did not know each other that well, at all. So, yea, it wasn't super cozy, and, instead, both of us were drenched on about half of our bodies.
Before we had even hit the second light post at Clark Field, we both realized that the situation was not helping either of us. Like a true "young gentleman" he said that it was my umbrella, so he would make a run for it. He took off his flip-flops, and he sprinted faster than any other white guy I had ever seen. Now, I had the umbrella to myself, and I was no longer getting rained on. Still, I was so touched by his gesture, and I thought it was only fair that I suffer the same fate.
So, I put my umbrella away and made a run for it too.
I finally made it to the dorm, opened the lobby door, and, yea, there he was, looking at me. If I was him, I would wonder why he gave up an umbrella for someone who wasn't going to use it either. Because I thought that's what he thought, I said, "I'm sorry" and ran upstairs.
Of course, that might not have been what he was thinking, I don't know I'm not a mind reader. Anyway, I bet that wasn't what he was thinking, so what I said made no sense, and I never talked to him again. Amen.
THE END.
- Barbara
Monday, December 5, 2011
Alphabet Day 21: Z
My Z day: zzzzz's, zero luck with apartment hunting, Zero 7, Zoo in Griffith Park (that I passed by about six times driving to and from apartments), "Zak and Sara" by Ben Folds Five, zodiacs a la a fortune cookie, zero interaction with people besides realtors, Zach Braff in Scrubs, Zooey Deschanel's New Girl, and zzzz's (aka fell asleep super early on the couch).
Z song: Zac Brown Band - "Different Kind of Fine"
Z word: zygote
Hey, little, little zygote
Formed within the uterus
Looking oh so cute right now
Soon you'll kick and poop and fuss
Hey, little, little zygote
You used to be two gametes
Then they joined and you were made
To have a nose and eyes and feets
Hey, little, little zygote
Your time with us is very quick
For soon you'll be a baby
Who can cry and pee and lick
THE END.
- Barbara
Z song: Zac Brown Band - "Different Kind of Fine"
Z word: zygote
Hey, little, little zygote
Formed within the uterus
Looking oh so cute right now
Soon you'll kick and poop and fuss
Hey, little, little zygote
You used to be two gametes
Then they joined and you were made
To have a nose and eyes and feets
Hey, little, little zygote
Your time with us is very quick
For soon you'll be a baby
Who can cry and pee and lick
THE END.
- Barbara
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Alphabet Day 20: J
My J day: jazz hands, jacket (the one I've been sleeping in for two nights), jeans (the same pair I've worn for the last four days), Jessup and Williams Late Night Talk Show internship (one 10 minute episode, but I never let them down), juices grape and pineapple, Jewish star that I put up and then had to take down, Jabberwocky, John Mayer (only about a quarter of the fourteen hours of songs I have), Jason's hair, just the usual singing Aaron Neville on the Santa Monica Pier, and jelly candy that tasted disgusting.
J song: Joe Purdy - "Daisy"
J word: jalapeño
Jalapeños are the most fun word to write. Jalapeño. Jalapeño. Jalapeño. It's even fun to type. Because Jill had so much fun writing, typing, and saying the word "jalapeño," she thought that, surely jalapeños must be the most delicious food in all the land.
So, Jill packed up the Jeep and headed to the grocery store. Yes, she had to pack up the Jeep because she couldn't go anywhere without a suitcase and an ice chest. To be honest, I don't know Jill that well, but she comes off pretty sketchy.
Anyway, she went to the grocery store. She searched aisles upon aisles for the jalapeños. Finally, she found them in between jack cheddar and the jock itch relief cream. Apparently, Jill goes to a grocery store that organizes things alphabetically. See? She's pretty sketchy.
Well, she finds the jalapeños. She buys them. She goes home. She unpacks. She eats a jalapeño.
Then, her throat closes up, and she starts to sweat. She can't breathe. She tries to make it to the phone to call 911, but she can't. Clutching her throat, she reaches for a pen and paper. Well, this part is assumed because the police found her dead in her house, and if she could have reached the phone, we hope she would have.
Anyway, they found her note, and it said, "F*ck you, jalapeños." See? Even as she was dying, she thought it was a very fun word to write.
THE END.
- Barbara
J song: Joe Purdy - "Daisy"
J word: jalapeño
Jalapeños are the most fun word to write. Jalapeño. Jalapeño. Jalapeño. It's even fun to type. Because Jill had so much fun writing, typing, and saying the word "jalapeño," she thought that, surely jalapeños must be the most delicious food in all the land.
So, Jill packed up the Jeep and headed to the grocery store. Yes, she had to pack up the Jeep because she couldn't go anywhere without a suitcase and an ice chest. To be honest, I don't know Jill that well, but she comes off pretty sketchy.
Anyway, she went to the grocery store. She searched aisles upon aisles for the jalapeños. Finally, she found them in between jack cheddar and the jock itch relief cream. Apparently, Jill goes to a grocery store that organizes things alphabetically. See? She's pretty sketchy.
Well, she finds the jalapeños. She buys them. She goes home. She unpacks. She eats a jalapeño.
Then, her throat closes up, and she starts to sweat. She can't breathe. She tries to make it to the phone to call 911, but she can't. Clutching her throat, she reaches for a pen and paper. Well, this part is assumed because the police found her dead in her house, and if she could have reached the phone, we hope she would have.
Anyway, they found her note, and it said, "F*ck you, jalapeños." See? Even as she was dying, she thought it was a very fun word to write.
THE END.
- Barbara
Alphabet Day 19: A
My A day: airport run in the early morning, a number of goodbyes to my roommates, a long drive to work (apparently this wind here in LA is rull bad), a more productive day than yesterday, anteaters (my day got less productive as it went on), apple juice (made me sick), a free dinner, ABBA and A-Teens (let's be honest, they are the same), alcoholics, a viewing of Drumline, and a decent amount of sleep on a neighbor's couch and then mine and then my bed.
A song: ADELE - "If It Hadn't Been For Love" This girl.
A word: Australia
When you're little, you look at Australia on a map, and you think that, surely, the people that live there fall right off the face of the earth. Then, when you're older you learn about gravity, so you "get it," but, let's be honest, you still don't really get how people don't fall off the face of the earth.
Then, I look at Los Angeles on a map, and I think that certainly I wouldn't fall off the face of the earth, but maybe I should be sliding a little bit. However, here I am, standing on the ground, and I'm not sliding at all. So, I guess, gravity is a thing, however it works.
Still, I have never been to Australia, so I can't say definitively that people don't fall off the face of the earth down there. I'll never go there either because I don't feel like flying somewhere just to fall off the face of the earth.
THE END.
- Barbara
A song: ADELE - "If It Hadn't Been For Love" This girl.
A word: Australia
When you're little, you look at Australia on a map, and you think that, surely, the people that live there fall right off the face of the earth. Then, when you're older you learn about gravity, so you "get it," but, let's be honest, you still don't really get how people don't fall off the face of the earth.
Then, I look at Los Angeles on a map, and I think that certainly I wouldn't fall off the face of the earth, but maybe I should be sliding a little bit. However, here I am, standing on the ground, and I'm not sliding at all. So, I guess, gravity is a thing, however it works.
Still, I have never been to Australia, so I can't say definitively that people don't fall off the face of the earth down there. I'll never go there either because I don't feel like flying somewhere just to fall off the face of the earth.
THE END.
- Barbara
Alphabet Day 18: M
My M day: morning, Mat Kearney, maple & brown sugar oatmeal, milk, making dumb videos for a made-up awards show on my Mac, music consultation (this sounds much fancier than it actually was), Mucho Mango iced tea, Matt Pond PA, made-up awards show aka The Nemys (Most Valuable V-baller and Most Likely to Be Successful in Hollywood Female, right here), major winds, and my last night with roommates.
M song: MoZella - "Hold On"
M word: maybe
Maybe he wanted to die that night.
Maybe he just crossed the street without looking. Yea, it was probably that.
THE END.
- Barbara
M song: MoZella - "Hold On"
M word: maybe
Maybe he wanted to die that night.
Maybe he just crossed the street without looking. Yea, it was probably that.
THE END.
- Barbara
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Alphabet Day 17: W
My W day: wake-up, water, warm chocolate (I don't like it too hot), watching Private Practice and writing notes about the characters, wheat bun, Wikipedia (they're getting super aggressive for donations again), walking up and down stairs, whistling, whipping up about 50 trophies of the awards ceremony, "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls (yea, we went there), watching New Girl where Winston learns a lesson, writing this blog right now, and wishing for sleep.
W song: The Weepies - "Wish I Could Forget"This is seriously one of my favorite songs, so today was a good day.
W word (huh, word is a W word): whatever
Since she first began to speak, the only word Wendy knew was "whatever." She had somehow managed to communicate enough with this one word, and, at this point, she didn't see the need to round out her vocabulary.
When asked what she wanted to eat, she'd reply, "Whatever." This meant every time she was treated to a surprise cuisine. Because of this, her palate had become well refined, and people respected her opinion of food.
When asked where she wanted to go for holidays, she'd say, "Whatever." This did not make a whole lot of sense, but it didn't stop her parents from taking her all over the world. She'd become so well-versed in travel that people would seek her recommendations on vacation spots almost daily.
When asked what she wanted to do, either on dates or family weekend tripes, she'd shrug, "Whatever." Many a beau had taken her on an outdoor excursion that involved an intense sightseeing adventure or some sort of extreme sport. Her parents had taken her to countless plays and museums. For a girl her age, she really had seen it all, and people looked to her for information because they knew she had experienced it first hand.
It was clear that Wendy was an extremely intelligent and well-rounded individual. Unfortunately, she flunked most assignments because two plus two does not equal whatever. The capital of Wisconsin is not whatever, and plants are not green because of whatever.
However, she always managed to get the question about indefinite relative pronouns at least partially right because "whatever" was a correct answer.
At least I think that's what Wendy wanted me to tell you guys. I have a really hard time understanding her.
THE END.
- Barbara
W song: The Weepies - "Wish I Could Forget"This is seriously one of my favorite songs, so today was a good day.
W word (huh, word is a W word): whatever
Since she first began to speak, the only word Wendy knew was "whatever." She had somehow managed to communicate enough with this one word, and, at this point, she didn't see the need to round out her vocabulary.
When asked what she wanted to eat, she'd reply, "Whatever." This meant every time she was treated to a surprise cuisine. Because of this, her palate had become well refined, and people respected her opinion of food.
When asked where she wanted to go for holidays, she'd say, "Whatever." This did not make a whole lot of sense, but it didn't stop her parents from taking her all over the world. She'd become so well-versed in travel that people would seek her recommendations on vacation spots almost daily.
When asked what she wanted to do, either on dates or family weekend tripes, she'd shrug, "Whatever." Many a beau had taken her on an outdoor excursion that involved an intense sightseeing adventure or some sort of extreme sport. Her parents had taken her to countless plays and museums. For a girl her age, she really had seen it all, and people looked to her for information because they knew she had experienced it first hand.
It was clear that Wendy was an extremely intelligent and well-rounded individual. Unfortunately, she flunked most assignments because two plus two does not equal whatever. The capital of Wisconsin is not whatever, and plants are not green because of whatever.
However, she always managed to get the question about indefinite relative pronouns at least partially right because "whatever" was a correct answer.
At least I think that's what Wendy wanted me to tell you guys. I have a really hard time understanding her.
THE END.
- Barbara
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Alphabet Day 16: O
My O day: old phone alarm clock, orange juice, omits and edits to homework, official last day of classes ever (can't even believe it - send money), official class photo, originals by Adidias, obstruction of my nasal cavities, off-the-wall dance party, Oingo Boingo, Oprah, and obligatory sleep.
O song: One EskimO - "Kandi"
O word: organ
Oscar had just turned twenty-one, and he felt like he hadn't done anything meaningful with his life up to that point. He picked up the newspaper because that seemed like something meaningful to do to someone who had never done it before. As he flipped through the pages, he came across the classifieds and saw an ad that read, "Organ Wanted."
Sure, this seemed vague. It didn't say which organ was needed, but he figured, if he could help, it would certainly be something worth doing. So, he called the number. Unfortunately, no one answered the phone, but the voicemail recording said they were accepting organ donations at St. Luke's Church.
I can tell where this is going, and, if you're smart, you know where this is going too. Sadly, Oscar had no idea where this was going, so I'll continue on.
Obviously, a kidney is one of the easiest organs to donate, so Oscar had that removed first. The appendix, spleen, and gall bladder aren't that important either, so he took those out next. He removed pieces of his intestines, stomach, and liver. He left what he needed, but all of this surgery was certainly making him sick. Still, he saw the life his organs were bringing to his recipients, and he felt like he was finally doing some good with his life.
After his multiple trips to the hospital, Oscar hardly had any of his own organs left. He was hooked up to multiple machines, but he couldn't have been happier. In the hospital, he had fallen in love with his nurse, Olga. He loved her so much, and he would do anything for her, as she had done for him. One day she told him that she wanted nothing more than for him to give his heart to her.
Again, we all know where this is going, but I will continue on.
So, he willingly gave up his heart, like all the other organs before.
Of course, Olga did not mean for him to literally give his heart to her, and it left her heartbroken when he died. Luckily, St. Luke's had received enough donations to buy a new organ, and it played beautifully at Oscar's funeral.
THE END.
- Barbara
O song: One EskimO - "Kandi"
O word: organ
Oscar had just turned twenty-one, and he felt like he hadn't done anything meaningful with his life up to that point. He picked up the newspaper because that seemed like something meaningful to do to someone who had never done it before. As he flipped through the pages, he came across the classifieds and saw an ad that read, "Organ Wanted."
Sure, this seemed vague. It didn't say which organ was needed, but he figured, if he could help, it would certainly be something worth doing. So, he called the number. Unfortunately, no one answered the phone, but the voicemail recording said they were accepting organ donations at St. Luke's Church.
I can tell where this is going, and, if you're smart, you know where this is going too. Sadly, Oscar had no idea where this was going, so I'll continue on.
Obviously, a kidney is one of the easiest organs to donate, so Oscar had that removed first. The appendix, spleen, and gall bladder aren't that important either, so he took those out next. He removed pieces of his intestines, stomach, and liver. He left what he needed, but all of this surgery was certainly making him sick. Still, he saw the life his organs were bringing to his recipients, and he felt like he was finally doing some good with his life.
After his multiple trips to the hospital, Oscar hardly had any of his own organs left. He was hooked up to multiple machines, but he couldn't have been happier. In the hospital, he had fallen in love with his nurse, Olga. He loved her so much, and he would do anything for her, as she had done for him. One day she told him that she wanted nothing more than for him to give his heart to her.
Again, we all know where this is going, but I will continue on.
So, he willingly gave up his heart, like all the other organs before.
Of course, Olga did not mean for him to literally give his heart to her, and it left her heartbroken when he died. Luckily, St. Luke's had received enough donations to buy a new organ, and it played beautifully at Oscar's funeral.
THE END.
- Barbara
Monday, November 28, 2011
Alphabet Day 15: Y
My Y day: Y chromosome (I don't have it), yearly nosebleed (three times), "Yesterday" by the Beatles, y'all, yelling children at the airport, yummy Salt lick, Yaz (the band, not the birth control), yearning for the Lot C bus at LAX (that never goes well), yellow poncho, yuletide carols (no fire), and young people doing homework together.
Y song: Yael Naim - "Far Far"
Y word: yo-yo
Yo-yo's are all fun and games until you swing it around and knock yourself into a little coma.
THE END.
- Barbara
Y song: Yael Naim - "Far Far"
Y word: yo-yo
Yo-yo's are all fun and games until you swing it around and knock yourself into a little coma.
THE END.
- Barbara
Alphabet Day 14: I
My I day: ill, inclement weather, interceptions and intentional grounding (college football, baby), international cuisine (aka Tex-Mex), iced water, iced tea, impossibly quick trip to Clear Lake, incredible games for Baylor and USC, and insomnia.
I song: Ingrid Michaelson - "The Chain"
I word: intern
According to Wikipedia, an internship is "on-the-job training for a white-collar job." I have held two internships in the last three years, and I have never seen anyone wearing a white collar. This means that both of the internships listed on my resume are lies.
My first internship helped me land my current internship, and my current internship will help me land an internship or job in the future. Should I be alright with the fact that my entire career could be based on a lie?
Yes, because I am an intern, and I work for free.
THE END.
- Barbara
I song: Ingrid Michaelson - "The Chain"
I word: intern
According to Wikipedia, an internship is "on-the-job training for a white-collar job." I have held two internships in the last three years, and I have never seen anyone wearing a white collar. This means that both of the internships listed on my resume are lies.
My first internship helped me land my current internship, and my current internship will help me land an internship or job in the future. Should I be alright with the fact that my entire career could be based on a lie?
Yes, because I am an intern, and I work for free.
THE END.
- Barbara
Alphabet Day 13: K
MIDWAY POINT!
My K day: killer stomach ache, Kaye (my middle name when I woke up with said stomach ache), ketchup at Buffalo Grille (which I did not put on my hash browns), King Tut, kicking a soccer ball, kinethesis (I don't really know if that word means what I think it means), Keb' Mo', kids from high school reunion, knuckles, and Kermit on SNL.
K song: Kevin Devine - "You'll Only End Up Joining Them"
K word: koala
The Koala wasn't known as the toughest of the animals at the zoo. However, he had apparently crossed the Panda the previous Thursday when he cut him in line for the watering hole. The Panda hadn't thought much of the Koala before, but now he thought he was a real bitch-a-roonie-doonie.
Although the Koala did apologize, the Panda just was not ready to let it go. The Panda challenged him to a fight in front of all the other zoo animals in their sanctuary. After someone finally won this matchup, the ordeal could be put to rest.
Even though the Koala did not put much stock in being a fighter, he still did not want to be made a fool in front of all his friends. So, every morning in the week leading up to the match, he trained. He drank protein shakes, ran laps, jumped rope, lifted weights, and also ate some bamboo or whatever shit koalas eat. Overall, he was feeling pretty good about things.
The day of the match had finally arrived, and all the animals gathered around the big tree. The Panda and the Koala took their places in their respective corners. The Sloth took his sweet time slinking over to the bell, but he finally got there. He hit it, and the match began.
The Koala and the Panda jockeyed up to each other. The Panda threw the first punch, and then all the people at the zoo died at how cute it was to see a panda and a koala hugging.
THE END.
- Barbara
My K day: killer stomach ache, Kaye (my middle name when I woke up with said stomach ache), ketchup at Buffalo Grille (which I did not put on my hash browns), King Tut, kicking a soccer ball, kinethesis (I don't really know if that word means what I think it means), Keb' Mo', kids from high school reunion, knuckles, and Kermit on SNL.
K song: Kevin Devine - "You'll Only End Up Joining Them"
K word: koala
The Koala wasn't known as the toughest of the animals at the zoo. However, he had apparently crossed the Panda the previous Thursday when he cut him in line for the watering hole. The Panda hadn't thought much of the Koala before, but now he thought he was a real bitch-a-roonie-doonie.
Although the Koala did apologize, the Panda just was not ready to let it go. The Panda challenged him to a fight in front of all the other zoo animals in their sanctuary. After someone finally won this matchup, the ordeal could be put to rest.
Even though the Koala did not put much stock in being a fighter, he still did not want to be made a fool in front of all his friends. So, every morning in the week leading up to the match, he trained. He drank protein shakes, ran laps, jumped rope, lifted weights, and also ate some bamboo or whatever shit koalas eat. Overall, he was feeling pretty good about things.
The day of the match had finally arrived, and all the animals gathered around the big tree. The Panda and the Koala took their places in their respective corners. The Sloth took his sweet time slinking over to the bell, but he finally got there. He hit it, and the match began.
The Koala and the Panda jockeyed up to each other. The Panda threw the first punch, and then all the people at the zoo died at how cute it was to see a panda and a koala hugging.
THE END.
- Barbara
Alphabet Day 12: C
My C day: Courtyard Hotel's amazing bed, Charlotte (two of them), cousins, cranberries (oh yea, it was Thanksgiving), car ride with Christmas music, collegiate tradition finale (Texas beat Texas A&M for possibly the last time), calm, cool, and collected Justin Tucker who won the game, Chris (three of them), and cats especially Coconut.
C song: Counting Crows - "Colorblind"
C word (again, not that one): carriage
The princess was getting ready for a huge ball that night. This was going to be the ball of the year because, let's be honest, if a princess was going to be there, then you know that it is a pretty big deal. So, everything had to be perfect.
The princess checked her dress, her hair, her shoes, her makeup, and her jewelry. Everything was in place.
She walked down the stairs and met her carriage driver at the front door. This is when she received the bad news. The front carriage wheels had been broken from the previous trip she had taken in to town that day.
The wheel mender had been released for the evening, and it would take hours for the driver to fix them himself. The princess did not know what to do, and, by this point, the party was about to start.
Her stress level only increased when she received a message from her friend, who was already at the ball. "where r u?," the text message read. Then the princess remember that this was the twenty-first century, so she told the driver that she would take the car to the ball instead.
THE END.
- Barbara
C song: Counting Crows - "Colorblind"
C word (again, not that one): carriage
The princess was getting ready for a huge ball that night. This was going to be the ball of the year because, let's be honest, if a princess was going to be there, then you know that it is a pretty big deal. So, everything had to be perfect.
The princess checked her dress, her hair, her shoes, her makeup, and her jewelry. Everything was in place.
She walked down the stairs and met her carriage driver at the front door. This is when she received the bad news. The front carriage wheels had been broken from the previous trip she had taken in to town that day.
The wheel mender had been released for the evening, and it would take hours for the driver to fix them himself. The princess did not know what to do, and, by this point, the party was about to start.
Her stress level only increased when she received a message from her friend, who was already at the ball. "where r u?," the text message read. Then the princess remember that this was the twenty-first century, so she told the driver that she would take the car to the ball instead.
THE END.
- Barbara
Friday, November 25, 2011
Alphabet Day 11: E
My E day: early morning, extra packing, early arrival at the airport due to delayed flight, eggs, Ernie Halter, ear infection (I wanted a cold, but the Alphabet said no), Eric Hutchinson, entire book read on a plane ride east, eternity in traffic to Dallas, and easy sleep in a giant hotel bed.
E song: Emerson Hart - "Generation"
E word: epitaph
Earl, a Dickensian Scholar, had just gotten some terrible news from the doctor. He was dying. The kind of dying when you actually end up dead in a few weeks.
When you know you're going to die, there's a lot of stuff that you get to take care of yourself. If you don't know when you're going to die, and then you end up dead, then all your relatives have to take care of that crap for you. The latter is obviously the better option.
However, Earl knew it was coming, so he started getting things in order - planning his funeral, writing his obituary, and leaving a flaming bag of poop on the doorsteps of people he hated. That's how he chose to live his last few weeks.
Among his preparations, Earl started looking at headstones. The salesman told him that for an extra $500 he could include a two line epitaph on his grave marker. Earl had no heirs, so that was chump change for an almost dead dude.
Still, this meant he had to think long and hard on the few words that he would allow to define him for the rest of his life. For the first week, he couldn't think about it at all because he was dying, and that was sad. Finally, he sat down at his desk, pulled out a sheet of paper, and he dipped his pen in ink. He was weird like that, owning a quill pen, but all Dickensian Scholars are.
He was most proud of his contributions to the literature and scholarship surrounding Charles Dickens, so he chose to highlight that in his epitaph. The pen touched the paper, and the letter began to flow. "H-E-R-E L-I-E-S A D-I-C-K," and then he dropped dead.
THE END.
- Barbara
E song: Emerson Hart - "Generation"
E word: epitaph
Earl, a Dickensian Scholar, had just gotten some terrible news from the doctor. He was dying. The kind of dying when you actually end up dead in a few weeks.
When you know you're going to die, there's a lot of stuff that you get to take care of yourself. If you don't know when you're going to die, and then you end up dead, then all your relatives have to take care of that crap for you. The latter is obviously the better option.
However, Earl knew it was coming, so he started getting things in order - planning his funeral, writing his obituary, and leaving a flaming bag of poop on the doorsteps of people he hated. That's how he chose to live his last few weeks.
Among his preparations, Earl started looking at headstones. The salesman told him that for an extra $500 he could include a two line epitaph on his grave marker. Earl had no heirs, so that was chump change for an almost dead dude.
Still, this meant he had to think long and hard on the few words that he would allow to define him for the rest of his life. For the first week, he couldn't think about it at all because he was dying, and that was sad. Finally, he sat down at his desk, pulled out a sheet of paper, and he dipped his pen in ink. He was weird like that, owning a quill pen, but all Dickensian Scholars are.
He was most proud of his contributions to the literature and scholarship surrounding Charles Dickens, so he chose to highlight that in his epitaph. The pen touched the paper, and the letter began to flow. "H-E-R-E L-I-E-S A D-I-C-K," and then he dropped dead.
THE END.
- Barbara
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Alphabet Day 10: P
My P day: positively peppy morning routine, pineapple juice and Pop-Tarts on a paper towel at Private Practice, production schedules and pre-lims at Private Practice, Pete in Private Practice, Private Practice episodes watched for a project at Private Practice, patty melt with potatoes at Private Practice, peanut bar and peppermints and pop at Private Practice, pie run at Paramount, production (a set visit to Private Practice), Peter, Paul & Mary, Puss in Boots painting video, pre-adults portraying perps in a student film that turns in to them almost getting arrested/shot, printing boarding pass for a plane, packing, and passing out.
P song: Patty Griffin - "Rain"
P word: popsicle
There's nothing worse than a melted popsicle, especially if you wanted a frozen popsicle.
THE END.
- Barbara
P song: Patty Griffin - "Rain"
P word: popsicle
There's nothing worse than a melted popsicle, especially if you wanted a frozen popsicle.
THE END.
- Barbara
Alphabet Day 9: N
My N day: near-sighted, no breakfast, nukes and numbskulls (Men Who Stare at Goats), new restaurant, no class, non-stop editing, nasal, N*Sync, never-ending uploading, NFL, new Homeland and Dexter, neighbors, "nature or nurture,"and nighttime
N song: NWA - "Express Yourself"
N word (not that one! although I did have a conversation about it today): nausea
Nicole is the nicest of girls. Alright, she is only okay, maybe just decent. I don't know, we aren't that close. Still, she has this crazy problem. Girlfriend only gets nausea if someone says the word "nausea."
Once, she went to the doctor's office and described her symptoms: unease in her stomach, sometimes vomiting. The doctor said, "Sounds like nausea," and she vomited. Then she said, "Yea, it is, but it only happens if you say 'nausea.'" Then, she turned her head and vomited again.
This sounds pretty terrible, but Nicole gets to do all the cool stuff: roller coasters, boat trips, and going to the moon, stuff like that. She can do all of that without getting nausea.
However, it does suck because I've just read her this story, and she's thrown up every time I've said "nausea." Gross, there she goes again.
THE END.
- Barbara
N song: NWA - "Express Yourself"
N word (not that one! although I did have a conversation about it today): nausea
Nicole is the nicest of girls. Alright, she is only okay, maybe just decent. I don't know, we aren't that close. Still, she has this crazy problem. Girlfriend only gets nausea if someone says the word "nausea."
Once, she went to the doctor's office and described her symptoms: unease in her stomach, sometimes vomiting. The doctor said, "Sounds like nausea," and she vomited. Then she said, "Yea, it is, but it only happens if you say 'nausea.'" Then, she turned her head and vomited again.
This sounds pretty terrible, but Nicole gets to do all the cool stuff: roller coasters, boat trips, and going to the moon, stuff like that. She can do all of that without getting nausea.
However, it does suck because I've just read her this story, and she's thrown up every time I've said "nausea." Gross, there she goes again.
THE END.
- Barbara
Monday, November 21, 2011
Alphabet Day 8: D
My D day: double alarm snoozes, drunken adventures retold from the night before, drizzle turned into a downpour, double brunch (I know right?), driving, debit cards, Dave Matthews Band, Decemberists, Dynamo defeated due to downright dumb defense, dale dale dale!, Dexter missed because of game, darkness in the bathroom (no toilet paper either), and death (for the night, at least)
D song: David Gray - "Lately" Seriously, obsessed with this song.
D word: December
December is the most loved of months. He brings Christmas bonuses and paid vacations to many, gifts to almost all. He keeps the weather cold enough to justify skipping school or work, and sometimes he leaves it nice enough to toss a football around the front yard.
Hibernation becomes a near necessary, and an increased caloric intake is adopted to handle said hibernation. It's not like the food is hard to come by. People look for any excuse to throw a party in December. Oh, you have a tacky green sweater? Party. I bought this new menorah? Party. My cat looks freaking adorable in this rudolph nose? Double party. So yea, free food? December for the win.
The winter weather also seems to promote some sort of temporary "niceness." Aside from the occasional black eye and hair-pulling caused by Black Friday and Christmas Eve shoppers, people kind of dig each other in December. I guess if there's that special someone in your life you get more gifts or something. Plus, you can stay inside by the fireplace and sort socks together. I don't know what couples do. I'm lonely.
It's pretty obvious that December does his fair share of great for the year. Other months just bring rain or taxes. Yea, December for the win.
Wait. What's this on the radio? Christmas music all the time, always? "Last Christmas" sung by sixteen different artists? December f*cking sucks.
THE END.
- Barbara
D song: David Gray - "Lately" Seriously, obsessed with this song.
D word: December
December is the most loved of months. He brings Christmas bonuses and paid vacations to many, gifts to almost all. He keeps the weather cold enough to justify skipping school or work, and sometimes he leaves it nice enough to toss a football around the front yard.
Hibernation becomes a near necessary, and an increased caloric intake is adopted to handle said hibernation. It's not like the food is hard to come by. People look for any excuse to throw a party in December. Oh, you have a tacky green sweater? Party. I bought this new menorah? Party. My cat looks freaking adorable in this rudolph nose? Double party. So yea, free food? December for the win.
The winter weather also seems to promote some sort of temporary "niceness." Aside from the occasional black eye and hair-pulling caused by Black Friday and Christmas Eve shoppers, people kind of dig each other in December. I guess if there's that special someone in your life you get more gifts or something. Plus, you can stay inside by the fireplace and sort socks together. I don't know what couples do. I'm lonely.
It's pretty obvious that December does his fair share of great for the year. Other months just bring rain or taxes. Yea, December for the win.
Wait. What's this on the radio? Christmas music all the time, always? "Last Christmas" sung by sixteen different artists? December f*cking sucks.
THE END.
- Barbara
Alphabet Day 7: V
My V day: Vineyard Vines, victory despite vicious attacks (soccer), Ventura Highway, Ventura Boulevard, viva Chivas!, ventriloquism and the Veals (Arrested Development), Van Morrison, Vanessa Carlton, voluntary cake-baking with vanilla icing, very amazing art of various cats of which I made a video (see below), Vitamin C., and veteran songs of the 90's
VIDEO:
V song: V.V. Brown - "Shark in the Water"
V word: volume
The other day Victor was listening to "Shout" by the Isley Brothers. You know the song. You dance to it, no matter what. You do.
Anyway, there's the part where it says "a little bit softer now," over and over. So, Victor, an idiot, turned the volume down, over and over. He turned it down so low that he essentially turned it off. I don't know if you know, but if the volume is completely off, then you can't hear anything. Don't ask me how it works. It's science or something.
Still, this meant that Victor never heard Ronald Isley call for the listener to play "a little bit louder now," over and over. Thus, he sat my his record player, oh yeah this is the nineteen sixties. Anyway, he sat by his record player with the volume off for the rest of his life, and he never heard music again.
Luckily for him, he never had to suffer through Ke$ha and the Biebs. I'm just saying, some times it pays to be an idiot. You know?
THE END.
- Barbara
VIDEO:
V song: V.V. Brown - "Shark in the Water"
V word: volume
The other day Victor was listening to "Shout" by the Isley Brothers. You know the song. You dance to it, no matter what. You do.
Anyway, there's the part where it says "a little bit softer now," over and over. So, Victor, an idiot, turned the volume down, over and over. He turned it down so low that he essentially turned it off. I don't know if you know, but if the volume is completely off, then you can't hear anything. Don't ask me how it works. It's science or something.
Still, this meant that Victor never heard Ronald Isley call for the listener to play "a little bit louder now," over and over. Thus, he sat my his record player, oh yeah this is the nineteen sixties. Anyway, he sat by his record player with the volume off for the rest of his life, and he never heard music again.
Luckily for him, he never had to suffer through Ke$ha and the Biebs. I'm just saying, some times it pays to be an idiot. You know?
THE END.
- Barbara
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Alphabet Day 6: L
My L day: Los Angeles, late (waking up, not getting to work luckily), Lykke Li, low-fat lactose, little oranges, Leo DiCaprio, Leslie Knope loves Ben Wyatt, lemon tootsie roll, looking and listening to loads of episodes of the lovely Private Practice where doctors lust for one another (story of my life), lo-mein, lots of people lulling an loafing around literature (the Kardashians were at Barnes and Noble), Lady Antebellum, loser, Last Summer (of You and Me), and laying down.
L song: "That's Right (You're Not From Texas)" - Lyle Lovett
L word (well that's a show, but): lunchroom
***At this point in posting, I fell asleep, and then I didn't get back to it until two days later**
Lilly was sitting at a table in the lunchroom across from Luke and Lisa. It was a Friday, so Lilly's mom had packed her an extra dessert. Friday's were the best. Today's dessert was a red velvet cupcake, Lilly's favorite.
Luke asked Lilly and Lisa if they wanted any of his licorice. Lisa said no, because licorice f*cking sucks. Well, she didn't say that, exactly, but she declined the offer all the same. Lilly, on the other hand, liked licorice, so she reached for one of those disgusting, black ropes.
As her hand brought a piece of that turd candy to her lips, her elbow accidentally knocked her cupcake to the floor. It tumbled, end over end. Don't imagine this in slow motion because gravity is real, people. Anyway, the cupcake landed frosting side down. There's no such thing as a five-second rule when there's frosting involved. Her dessert, her friday, her life was ruined, and that's why you never eat licorice.
THE END.
- Barbara
L song: "That's Right (You're Not From Texas)" - Lyle Lovett
L word (well that's a show, but): lunchroom
***At this point in posting, I fell asleep, and then I didn't get back to it until two days later**
Lilly was sitting at a table in the lunchroom across from Luke and Lisa. It was a Friday, so Lilly's mom had packed her an extra dessert. Friday's were the best. Today's dessert was a red velvet cupcake, Lilly's favorite.
Luke asked Lilly and Lisa if they wanted any of his licorice. Lisa said no, because licorice f*cking sucks. Well, she didn't say that, exactly, but she declined the offer all the same. Lilly, on the other hand, liked licorice, so she reached for one of those disgusting, black ropes.
As her hand brought a piece of that turd candy to her lips, her elbow accidentally knocked her cupcake to the floor. It tumbled, end over end. Don't imagine this in slow motion because gravity is real, people. Anyway, the cupcake landed frosting side down. There's no such thing as a five-second rule when there's frosting involved. Her dessert, her friday, her life was ruined, and that's why you never eat licorice.
THE END.
- Barbara
Friday, November 18, 2011
Alphabet Day 5: S
Some of the people I work with got in on this, so this post might be more enthusiastic than others. STOP READING THIS, NANCY.
My S day: sleep, snooze, snooze, snooze, speed bumps, strawberry Pop-Tarts, sexy satchels from a supervisor on a stellar show, sausage dogs, sweet potato fries, Spring Awakening (both plays and soundtrack), Sweeney Todd, Snapple, selecting scenes from a series and scribbling notes, Superfood (I don't care for this stuff but the alphabet rules, and I had to clean it out of the refrigerator anyway), speaking soccer bets with a showrunner, secret keeping from my Aunt Staci, solitary television viewing, Shayan's birthday countdown, Soderbergh, sugar cookies, sit-ups, and sleep.
S song: "Shady Esperanto and the Young Hearts" - Stephen Kellogg and the Sixers
S word: sewer
When I was younger, I had a cat named Ellis. Well, I later learned that that cat was actually named L.S. as in "Little Shit." I could write a dissertation on how much this revelation changed, ruined, my childhood. Also, I blame this moniker for subliminally enforcing the "potty mouth" that I have today.
Anyway, Ellis ran away one night when it was raining, really raining. I was young, but I remember it vividly or I remember remembering it. Still, he was outside during the storm, and even though my mom called him inside, he never showed. He didn't come back the next day or the day after, and we have moved a bunch of times, so he couldn't find us anymore if he wanted to.
When it was obvious to my mom that Ellis was lost, she told me he probably got washed away in the rain and maybe got stuck in the sewer or something. I thought this meant he was living in there, like kicked back with a ball of yarn kind of living. I don't know if he ever actually played with yarn. I don't know if I know any cats that play with yarn, and that is saying something because I do know a lot of cats.
THE END.
- Barbara
My S day: sleep, snooze, snooze, snooze, speed bumps, strawberry Pop-Tarts, sexy satchels from a supervisor on a stellar show, sausage dogs, sweet potato fries, Spring Awakening (both plays and soundtrack), Sweeney Todd, Snapple, selecting scenes from a series and scribbling notes, Superfood (I don't care for this stuff but the alphabet rules, and I had to clean it out of the refrigerator anyway), speaking soccer bets with a showrunner, secret keeping from my Aunt Staci, solitary television viewing, Shayan's birthday countdown, Soderbergh, sugar cookies, sit-ups, and sleep.
S song: "Shady Esperanto and the Young Hearts" - Stephen Kellogg and the Sixers
S word: sewer
When I was younger, I had a cat named Ellis. Well, I later learned that that cat was actually named L.S. as in "Little Shit." I could write a dissertation on how much this revelation changed, ruined, my childhood. Also, I blame this moniker for subliminally enforcing the "potty mouth" that I have today.
Anyway, Ellis ran away one night when it was raining, really raining. I was young, but I remember it vividly or I remember remembering it. Still, he was outside during the storm, and even though my mom called him inside, he never showed. He didn't come back the next day or the day after, and we have moved a bunch of times, so he couldn't find us anymore if he wanted to.
When it was obvious to my mom that Ellis was lost, she told me he probably got washed away in the rain and maybe got stuck in the sewer or something. I thought this meant he was living in there, like kicked back with a ball of yarn kind of living. I don't know if he ever actually played with yarn. I don't know if I know any cats that play with yarn, and that is saying something because I do know a lot of cats.
THE END.
- Barbara
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Alphabet Day 4: H
My H day: hairless (ended my no-shave November, TMI), Honey Nut Cheerios, H2O, herb crusted fish (alphabet made me choose it over the steak!), half & half, hustle (lack of, at soccer practice), Houston Dynamo, horrible acting (Twilight), hop-ons, and half-assed art.
H song: "Great Divide" - Hanson. Yea, they're still relevant.
H word: haiku
haiku starts with h
it is a poem with three lines
this is so meta
THE END.
- Barbara
H song: "Great Divide" - Hanson. Yea, they're still relevant.
H word: haiku
haiku starts with h
it is a poem with three lines
this is so meta
THE END.
- Barbara
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Alphabet Day 3: T
My T day (suggested by Tolga, mind you): tired, Texas (where I wish I was), toothbrush, tea, Twitter, tacos (Chipotle and chocolate ice cream. I've been trying to lay off the sweets, but if the alphabet demands it, then I have to do it), two dog walks, theater*, tuscan chicken pasta, turkeys (The New Girl and Raising Hope), to-do list (mostly not done), and tired.
*I bought a bunch of "theater" books, musicals and some plays, because a classmate and I are setting out to write a musical. Neither of us has done it before, but I like writing words and he likes writing music, so we figured we should give it a shot.
*I bought a bunch of "theater" books, musicals and some plays, because a classmate and I are setting out to write a musical. Neither of us has done it before, but I like writing words and he likes writing music, so we figured we should give it a shot.
T word: towel
The Towel hangs on the back of the closet door, unimposing. Depending on the master's hygiene, he might get put to use once a day or just once a week. Still, day after day, he hangs there watching as all the other clothes get to leave the closet, hanging off the master's limbs. They get to see worlds that the Towel cannot even dream of. He's lucky if he gets left on the floor of the master's bedroom for a few extra hours.
However, all the other clothes think the Towel is the lucky one. The Shirt says the master sweats so much his pits are now a yellow tint. The Jeans have been ripped so much, that his own mother does not even recognize him anymore. The master is always clean when the Towel gets put to use. Still, the Towel swears nothing could be worse than dangling from the same spot for the rest of your life.
"At least the master doesn't wipe his butt with you," cried the Toilet Paper from behind the bathroom door.
THE END.
- Barbara
Monday, November 14, 2011
Alphabet Day 2: Q
My Q day: quit sleeping, quietly watched Dexter and Homeland, quickly went to the post office, Queen, Quilted Northern (no secrets here), questions (what I was supposed to write for the guest speaker, but I made cookies instead), quality Greek food, Quints, and more quality TV (Arrested Development). I realize that is a weak "Q" list, but it's a hard letter.
Q song: "Harden My Heart" - Quarterflash I remember some story where the lead singer said she was recognized when she was naked in a sauna. Unfortunately, that's what pops in my head whenever I hear this song.
Q word: Quadrillion
Depending on where you're from, a quadrillion can either mean 1,000,000,000,000,000 or 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. But, we're all from earth, and no one ever needs to count that high.
THE END.
- Barbara
Q song: "Harden My Heart" - Quarterflash I remember some story where the lead singer said she was recognized when she was naked in a sauna. Unfortunately, that's what pops in my head whenever I hear this song.
Q word: Quadrillion
Depending on where you're from, a quadrillion can either mean 1,000,000,000,000,000 or 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. But, we're all from earth, and no one ever needs to count that high.
THE END.
- Barbara
Alphabet Day 1: B
This whole idea started when I made a stupid alliteration on Facebook. I was inviting everyone to brunch, basketball, and buccaneers (referring to a live dinner show involving pirates, yes my life is great). By the end of the day I had done many "B" things. So, I've decided to do a letter every day - list what I do, post a song by an artist in that letter that I listened to, and write a short (DUMB and TERRIBLE) story about a word starting with that letter.
My B day: Barbara (that's who I was when I woke up in the morning), burned calories, brunch, bingo, bitches (the people at bingo), bundt cake (that I won at bingo despite the bitches), basketball, buccaneers, birthday cards, breakdancing, and bed.
B song: "Get Me Bodied" by Beyonce.
B word: Badger
The Badger sat behind his desk at the Hufflepuff Public Relations offices. He had worked there for many years and had fallen into a simple routine. Show up, don't make the House look any dumber than it already is, and go home. No one expected much from the Hufflepuffs, and no one expected much from the Badger.
The phone rang. The Badger answered. Whoever was on the other line told him that Cedric Diggory had been cast in an upcoming, highly-anticipated movie franchise. Sure, Cedric Diggory was dead, but he is a wizard, so stop asking questions. Plus, Cedric Diggory was the poster boy for Hufflepuff. Sure, he was dead, but he was so handsome.
However, upon learning that Cedric had been cast as a vampire, the Badger quickly quit his job. If anything could make Hufflepuff's image worse it would be vampires, and he wanted nothing to do with it.
THE END.
- Barbara
My B day: Barbara (that's who I was when I woke up in the morning), burned calories, brunch, bingo, bitches (the people at bingo), bundt cake (that I won at bingo despite the bitches), basketball, buccaneers, birthday cards, breakdancing, and bed.
B song: "Get Me Bodied" by Beyonce.
B word: Badger
The Badger sat behind his desk at the Hufflepuff Public Relations offices. He had worked there for many years and had fallen into a simple routine. Show up, don't make the House look any dumber than it already is, and go home. No one expected much from the Hufflepuffs, and no one expected much from the Badger.
The phone rang. The Badger answered. Whoever was on the other line told him that Cedric Diggory had been cast in an upcoming, highly-anticipated movie franchise. Sure, Cedric Diggory was dead, but he is a wizard, so stop asking questions. Plus, Cedric Diggory was the poster boy for Hufflepuff. Sure, he was dead, but he was so handsome.
However, upon learning that Cedric had been cast as a vampire, the Badger quickly quit his job. If anything could make Hufflepuff's image worse it would be vampires, and he wanted nothing to do with it.
THE END.
- Barbara
Monday, October 24, 2011
Day Four: AFF
This day was all sorts of crazy because I was tired, and my dad was in town to visit. However, I did manage to catch some of "On the Level" with Donald Todd and Pamela Ribon, and now I have been watching Samantha Who? on Netflix when I was "supposed" to be watching Arrested Development again.
This panel was great for explaining what all the people running around at the Private Practice office actually do... I could just ask them when I'm at my internship, but instead I interned at AFF forever and read a million scripts to get a badge to fly in from Los Angeles just to hear about it in a panel.
Then, the rest of my day was soccer, friends, dad, soccer, soccer, dad, airport to pick someone up, dad, Whataburger, airport to go back to Los Angeles. Although, let me say that flying back to LAX is so glamorous and my new favorite thing...
At the airport and on the plane I saw, whom most I saw at the Festival, but it is still more glamorous at an airport - Terry Rossio, Michael Arndt, John Lasseter, Pamela Ribon, I'm pretty sure Nicholas Kazan, and I'm definitely sure of PAULA DEAN. Who was in town for the book festival, and who was wearing glasses and a baseball cap. But that wasn't fooling anyone because she was talking... y'all.
And then the cops boarded our plane at the end for something to do with a guy in green flannel. And I've been trying to Google it all day, but because TSA let a loaded handgun go through baggage check at LAX, it seems like our little run-in isn't glamorous enough. Also, I got on the wrong bus and ended up at the metro station, where I'm writing from right now. Someone come get me please...
J to the K, to the one person who actually reads this stuff, don't come get me at the metro station.
Also, to the one person who actually reads this, thanks. I hope you also had a fantastic AFF 2011. Can't wait for next year!!!!!
This panel was great for explaining what all the people running around at the Private Practice office actually do... I could just ask them when I'm at my internship, but instead I interned at AFF forever and read a million scripts to get a badge to fly in from Los Angeles just to hear about it in a panel.
Then, the rest of my day was soccer, friends, dad, soccer, soccer, dad, airport to pick someone up, dad, Whataburger, airport to go back to Los Angeles. Although, let me say that flying back to LAX is so glamorous and my new favorite thing...
At the airport and on the plane I saw, whom most I saw at the Festival, but it is still more glamorous at an airport - Terry Rossio, Michael Arndt, John Lasseter, Pamela Ribon, I'm pretty sure Nicholas Kazan, and I'm definitely sure of PAULA DEAN. Who was in town for the book festival, and who was wearing glasses and a baseball cap. But that wasn't fooling anyone because she was talking... y'all.
And then the cops boarded our plane at the end for something to do with a guy in green flannel. And I've been trying to Google it all day, but because TSA let a loaded handgun go through baggage check at LAX, it seems like our little run-in isn't glamorous enough. Also, I got on the wrong bus and ended up at the metro station, where I'm writing from right now. Someone come get me please...
J to the K, to the one person who actually reads this stuff, don't come get me at the metro station.
Also, to the one person who actually reads this, thanks. I hope you also had a fantastic AFF 2011. Can't wait for next year!!!!!
Day Three: AFF "My Day with Hart Hanson"
Calling Day Three "My Day with Hart Hanson" sounds so creepy, especially considering I never actually spoke to the guy. No, wait, I blurted out one question that made very little sense and then spent the whole answer not making eye contact.
Again, full disclosure, I'm a huge Bones fan, and a lot of the information I learned won't matter unless you, too, are a huge fan. BUT IT MATTERS TO ME, OKAY?
First panel: "A Conversation with 2011 Outstanding Television Writer Awardee Hart Hanson"
I really don't even know what to say about this, other than I loved it. Rob Thomas (not from MatchboxTwenty) was moderating, and he had hired Hart back in the day, so they were total bff's. And David Boreanaz was just sitting there in the front row like a normal person. And all these fans were there just loving it.
I did learn that it is awesome to be a showrunner because you get to rewrite everyone else, and no one gets to rewrite your stuff. Life's hard, you know. Also, Hart Hanson has anxiety dreams about being an actor at a network casting session for a series. Who doesn't?
Second panel: "Hart Hanson and Kathy Reichs: The Collaboration Process"
To those who don't know, Kathy Reichs, a forensic anthropologist, writes these novels about Temperance Brennan, a forensic anthropologist. And then Bones took the character and Kathy's real life to create Temperance Brennan, a forensic anthropologist, who writes novels about Kathy Reichs, a forensic anthropologist. I'm glad we're all up to speed.
This panel was pretty great in explaining the adaptation and development process for a television show based on outside material. In this case, Kathy was and still is involved heavily with the show - she even ended up writing an episode in the fifth season. Hart says that is why their show was voted the most scientifically accurate of the forensics procedurals, only at 70%, mind you. So, basically, we all learned that you cannot trust what you see on TV.
Lunch break: AWARDS LUNCHEON
I was in the very back of the room, eating between a vegetarian and former cop who I didn't know, and my view of the screen was blocked my a giant column. Overall, it was amazing. I got to see the screenplay winners receive their awards, which is a nice little payoff from logging their scripts + 5000 others for months and months. I saw Hart, again, and Emily Deschanel's face on screen, plus David Boreanaz's face, again. Then, it went something like this... Johnny Depp gave an award to Caroline Thompson. Terry Tossio gave an award to Johnny Depp. Michael Arndt gave an award to John Lasseter. And on my walk back to the Driskill I met Martin Starr.
Panel Three: "In the TV Writers' Room" with Noah Hawley, Sterling Anderson, and Nancy Pimental
This panel was fantastic, and they gave plenty of advice - Write fast, and be good at delivering great first drafts. Write in your boss's voice. Keep your writing tight, and cut the fat. Don't be fucking insane. According to these folks, do all of this, and you'll keep your job!
TV break: BONES
They showed the episode were the Gravedigger gets her head blown off, and then David Boreanaz and Hart Hanson were there. And then they were mobbed at the end of the panel, so I went and talked to David Boreanaz, Sr. instead. He's a famous weather man, you know.
Then I went to the Day of the Dead mini-festival on sixth, and stayed out too late, again. Hence, no writing.
Again, full disclosure, I'm a huge Bones fan, and a lot of the information I learned won't matter unless you, too, are a huge fan. BUT IT MATTERS TO ME, OKAY?
First panel: "A Conversation with 2011 Outstanding Television Writer Awardee Hart Hanson"
I really don't even know what to say about this, other than I loved it. Rob Thomas (not from MatchboxTwenty) was moderating, and he had hired Hart back in the day, so they were total bff's. And David Boreanaz was just sitting there in the front row like a normal person. And all these fans were there just loving it.
I did learn that it is awesome to be a showrunner because you get to rewrite everyone else, and no one gets to rewrite your stuff. Life's hard, you know. Also, Hart Hanson has anxiety dreams about being an actor at a network casting session for a series. Who doesn't?
Second panel: "Hart Hanson and Kathy Reichs: The Collaboration Process"
To those who don't know, Kathy Reichs, a forensic anthropologist, writes these novels about Temperance Brennan, a forensic anthropologist. And then Bones took the character and Kathy's real life to create Temperance Brennan, a forensic anthropologist, who writes novels about Kathy Reichs, a forensic anthropologist. I'm glad we're all up to speed.
This panel was pretty great in explaining the adaptation and development process for a television show based on outside material. In this case, Kathy was and still is involved heavily with the show - she even ended up writing an episode in the fifth season. Hart says that is why their show was voted the most scientifically accurate of the forensics procedurals, only at 70%, mind you. So, basically, we all learned that you cannot trust what you see on TV.
Lunch break: AWARDS LUNCHEON
I was in the very back of the room, eating between a vegetarian and former cop who I didn't know, and my view of the screen was blocked my a giant column. Overall, it was amazing. I got to see the screenplay winners receive their awards, which is a nice little payoff from logging their scripts + 5000 others for months and months. I saw Hart, again, and Emily Deschanel's face on screen, plus David Boreanaz's face, again. Then, it went something like this... Johnny Depp gave an award to Caroline Thompson. Terry Tossio gave an award to Johnny Depp. Michael Arndt gave an award to John Lasseter. And on my walk back to the Driskill I met Martin Starr.
Panel Three: "In the TV Writers' Room" with Noah Hawley, Sterling Anderson, and Nancy Pimental
This panel was fantastic, and they gave plenty of advice - Write fast, and be good at delivering great first drafts. Write in your boss's voice. Keep your writing tight, and cut the fat. Don't be fucking insane. According to these folks, do all of this, and you'll keep your job!
TV break: BONES
They showed the episode were the Gravedigger gets her head blown off, and then David Boreanaz and Hart Hanson were there. And then they were mobbed at the end of the panel, so I went and talked to David Boreanaz, Sr. instead. He's a famous weather man, you know.
Then I went to the Day of the Dead mini-festival on sixth, and stayed out too late, again. Hence, no writing.
Day Two: AFF
Yes, it is now Monday, but I am going to backlog my experiences for all of you anyway. It's not my fault I didn't have internet for two days... although that's not really what happened. Honestly, I was just out super late at night, "networking," and was too tired to write properly upon returning home in the early morning hours.
Anyway, my Day Two was pretty solid. It started with "Comedy - The Hardest Genre?"with Alec Berg, Craig Mazin, and David Garrett. In terms of answering the question posited by the title of the panel, all the guys agreed, that, yes comedy is the hardest genre. It's the same thing as drama, but with the added element of making people laugh, which apparently is a hard thing to do. Ummm, hello, I do it every day, here's my card gentlemen. But to all you people who aren't as talented and as special as me, here is some advice from the panelists -
1. Comedy is at its best when it takes people's expectations and plays with it, flips, reverses it, whatever.
2. In a scene, both characters should not be funny, one can be funny, but what is really funny is what is happening between these two characters. For all you Seinfeld fans out there, Berg said that Seinfeld was okay with being the unfunny one. He knew that it would make the show funnier... BOOM mindstatusblown.
3. They all agreed that you can and should joke about anything and everything because everything has the potential to be funny, no matter how serious.
4. Finally, the life of a comedy writer can be described as this - "Even the bacon of success is wrapped in failure," at least according to Craig.
We also learned from Mr. Mazin that Charlie Sheen had kooky theories about 9/11, big surprise.
Instead of going to another panel, I went to the Script Library (the equivalent of some hip, underground, indie music club here at AFF), which is located in the Cloak Room at the Stephen F. (a great name for a hip, underground, indie music club). ANYWAY, I read all of the sitcom spec finalist scripts. Let me say, there is some good writing coming through this Festival. There are also free pens, water, and mints in there, so take advantage.
Then, I went to a panel called "Breaking into the Business: Julie Howe and Joyce San Pedro." I mostly went because Matt was moderating, and he's blind and it's funny to watch him pretend like he can actually see what's going on in front of him... but also because Julie's script, Jasper Milliken, is crazy good. Julie and Joyce were both great and very candid -
"Orphans are really funny." - Julie
Then, I just camped out in that room for "Agents and Managers" with Rebecca Ewing, Justin Manask, and Gayla Nethercott. Ugh, this one was depressing because it sounds almost completely impossible to get an agent or a manager, but they all had the same advice - don't be creepy. If that's what it takes, then I am ruined.
After this I went to the BBQ, saw A Swingin' Trio and Freakdance, went to dirrrrrrrty sixth, and fell asleep at 4:30 in the morning. THIS was the day that began setting me back on posts. Clearly.
Anyway, my Day Two was pretty solid. It started with "Comedy - The Hardest Genre?"with Alec Berg, Craig Mazin, and David Garrett. In terms of answering the question posited by the title of the panel, all the guys agreed, that, yes comedy is the hardest genre. It's the same thing as drama, but with the added element of making people laugh, which apparently is a hard thing to do. Ummm, hello, I do it every day, here's my card gentlemen. But to all you people who aren't as talented and as special as me, here is some advice from the panelists -
1. Comedy is at its best when it takes people's expectations and plays with it, flips, reverses it, whatever.
2. In a scene, both characters should not be funny, one can be funny, but what is really funny is what is happening between these two characters. For all you Seinfeld fans out there, Berg said that Seinfeld was okay with being the unfunny one. He knew that it would make the show funnier... BOOM mindstatusblown.
3. They all agreed that you can and should joke about anything and everything because everything has the potential to be funny, no matter how serious.
4. Finally, the life of a comedy writer can be described as this - "Even the bacon of success is wrapped in failure," at least according to Craig.
We also learned from Mr. Mazin that Charlie Sheen had kooky theories about 9/11, big surprise.
Instead of going to another panel, I went to the Script Library (the equivalent of some hip, underground, indie music club here at AFF), which is located in the Cloak Room at the Stephen F. (a great name for a hip, underground, indie music club). ANYWAY, I read all of the sitcom spec finalist scripts. Let me say, there is some good writing coming through this Festival. There are also free pens, water, and mints in there, so take advantage.
Then, I went to a panel called "Breaking into the Business: Julie Howe and Joyce San Pedro." I mostly went because Matt was moderating, and he's blind and it's funny to watch him pretend like he can actually see what's going on in front of him... but also because Julie's script, Jasper Milliken, is crazy good. Julie and Joyce were both great and very candid -
"Orphans are really funny." - Julie
Then, I just camped out in that room for "Agents and Managers" with Rebecca Ewing, Justin Manask, and Gayla Nethercott. Ugh, this one was depressing because it sounds almost completely impossible to get an agent or a manager, but they all had the same advice - don't be creepy. If that's what it takes, then I am ruined.
After this I went to the BBQ, saw A Swingin' Trio and Freakdance, went to dirrrrrrrty sixth, and fell asleep at 4:30 in the morning. THIS was the day that began setting me back on posts. Clearly.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Day One: AFF
Hey y'all,
Yea, I'm back in Texas and my accent is already through the roof! I'm also back at the Austin Film Festival and super happy to be here.
The day started with opening remarks. There were definitely all kinds of remarks. On top of that, Shane Black and Lawrence "Larry" Kasdan were there with some bits of advice.
"The writing life is sad and lonely." - Mr. Black
"Enjoy the ecstasy!" - Mr. Kasdan
Those weren't taken out of context at all. I swear.
The first panel I went to was "A Conversation with Alec Berg," and let me say, it was one of the best conversations I have ever had. The guy is incredibly funny, well-spoken, and honest. Also, he name drops Jerry (Seinfeld) and Larry (David) like it ain't no thing. Let me tell you, Mr. Berg, it is a very big thing, and knowing "Jerry & Larry" is a tremendous accomplishment.
Some of his best advice was this - the funniest things are the things that happen in real life that make us feel weird and uncomfortable. A ton of Seinfeld and Curb episodes were based off of things that happened to the writers. So, all you comedy writers out there, pay attention to your own life. Okay, thanks. It was also very interesting to learn exactly what goes into make an episode of Curb: 1. they only outline episodes, never writing dialogue because Larry knows best and 2. Larry knows best. There you have it, folks. You want to write a super successful television show, just hire Larry David.
The second and final panel of my day was "Breaking into the Business with Ashley Lyle and Bart Nickerson." They are writing partners, and totally dating, like omg, for real? It was great to hear about their writing process as collaborators, but then they reminded everyone that, when you write with someone else, you have to share the money. Psssh. Their advice was target agents' assistants (as they will be the big wigs in charge some day), have a lot of original material to show for yourself, and write for Netflix because they have a ton of money and no programming. Go out and do that and break in to the business, and then call me up and give me a job.
Looking forward to Day Two,
Barbara
Yea, I'm back in Texas and my accent is already through the roof! I'm also back at the Austin Film Festival and super happy to be here.
The day started with opening remarks. There were definitely all kinds of remarks. On top of that, Shane Black and Lawrence "Larry" Kasdan were there with some bits of advice.
"The writing life is sad and lonely." - Mr. Black
"Enjoy the ecstasy!" - Mr. Kasdan
Those weren't taken out of context at all. I swear.
The first panel I went to was "A Conversation with Alec Berg," and let me say, it was one of the best conversations I have ever had. The guy is incredibly funny, well-spoken, and honest. Also, he name drops Jerry (Seinfeld) and Larry (David) like it ain't no thing. Let me tell you, Mr. Berg, it is a very big thing, and knowing "Jerry & Larry" is a tremendous accomplishment.
Some of his best advice was this - the funniest things are the things that happen in real life that make us feel weird and uncomfortable. A ton of Seinfeld and Curb episodes were based off of things that happened to the writers. So, all you comedy writers out there, pay attention to your own life. Okay, thanks. It was also very interesting to learn exactly what goes into make an episode of Curb: 1. they only outline episodes, never writing dialogue because Larry knows best and 2. Larry knows best. There you have it, folks. You want to write a super successful television show, just hire Larry David.
The second and final panel of my day was "Breaking into the Business with Ashley Lyle and Bart Nickerson." They are writing partners, and totally dating, like omg, for real? It was great to hear about their writing process as collaborators, but then they reminded everyone that, when you write with someone else, you have to share the money. Psssh. Their advice was target agents' assistants (as they will be the big wigs in charge some day), have a lot of original material to show for yourself, and write for Netflix because they have a ton of money and no programming. Go out and do that and break in to the business, and then call me up and give me a job.
Looking forward to Day Two,
Barbara
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Austin Film Festival 2011
Who's excited for the Austin Film Festival this year?
I can't hear you... through the internet... obviously, but I know you're out there screaming at your computer and dancing around like Bill Cosby. Just me? Moving on.
First and foremost, know that I am a television person. I know it is called the Austin Film Festival, but there is plenty of amazing TV stuff going down in 2011. Even if you're more of a film buff, there's an easy way to get the best of both worlds this year.
Here's the trick: SATURDAY is TV day!
So, wake up bright and early. Catch some morning cartoons and finish your bowl of Fruit Loops. Change out of your onesie pajamas into more age-appropriate attire (or don't, I'm not your mom), and get yourself down to the Driskill to start your "Day of Television Amazing-ness!"
9am @ The Driskill - A Conversation with Hart Hanson... Full disclosure: Bones is my favorite television show - so, I might die during or immediately following this panel, but that doesn't mean your day has to end.
1045am @ St. David's - Roundtable: Television... I don't think AFF could possibly namedrop any more than they do in this panel (cough Alec Berg, Kyle Killen, Donald Todd, Pamela Ribon cough). So, be sure to sign up for this at registration.
OR
1045am @ The Driskill - Hart Hanson and Kathy Reichs: The Collaboration Process... Running these two panels simultaneously is the cruelest trick AFF played on me this year. I'll forgive them because I know both will be great.
1215pm @ The Austin Club - Awards Luncheon... You need a ticket for this shindig, but Hart Hanson and David Boreanaz will be there. So, yes, I have mine. If you didn't get one, never fear, there's more to come!
215pm @ The Driskill - In The TV Writers' Room*... I've emptied trash cans in a writers' room before, and, let me say, it's pretty magical. Oh, this is a panel where Noah Hawley, Sterling Anderson, and Nancy Pimental talk about television writing staffs? Yea, I guess that's cool too.
315pm @ Austin Convention Center - Bob's Burgers*... You get to watch a very funny show and then listen to a panel with the show's very funny creators. It's like having two birthdays in one, minus the creepy clown.
345pm @ The Driskill - Showrunners*... Wait, another panel with showrunners? Are you kidding me right now, AFF?
* Please note that these three panels overlap a bit. So, you get to pick between ridiculously amazing, hilariously amazing, and incredibly amazing. No pressure.
515pm @ Austin Convention Center - Bones... I'll be the girl in the front row having a private quote-along with myself. Unless they screen the Season 7 premiere, in which case, I'll be the girl in the front row dancing like Cosby, again.
730pm @ Austin Convention Center - Awake... I have only heard amazing things about this pilot, like, amazing things. Plus, Kyle Killen is a great friend to Austin and the Festival, so, go show him some love... in a completely normal, comfortable, respecting-his-personal-space sort of way. Please.
That's your Saturday, folks, a "Day of Television Amazing-ness!" If you've got one of them fancy badges, let's meet up at the Conference Wrap Party, compare onesies, and call it a day.
Oh, right, there's also three more days of panels and about a million amazing movies to watch (give or take).
Seriously, winning. Winning big time this year, AFF.
- Barbara
I'll be updating this blog and doing some tweeting throughout the Festival. Follow me, @babsamiga, and I'll try not to overdo it. I'll try really hard.
I can't hear you... through the internet... obviously, but I know you're out there screaming at your computer and dancing around like Bill Cosby. Just me? Moving on.
First and foremost, know that I am a television person. I know it is called the Austin Film Festival, but there is plenty of amazing TV stuff going down in 2011. Even if you're more of a film buff, there's an easy way to get the best of both worlds this year.
Here's the trick: SATURDAY is TV day!
So, wake up bright and early. Catch some morning cartoons and finish your bowl of Fruit Loops. Change out of your onesie pajamas into more age-appropriate attire (or don't, I'm not your mom), and get yourself down to the Driskill to start your "Day of Television Amazing-ness!"
9am @ The Driskill - A Conversation with Hart Hanson... Full disclosure: Bones is my favorite television show - so, I might die during or immediately following this panel, but that doesn't mean your day has to end.
1045am @ St. David's - Roundtable: Television... I don't think AFF could possibly namedrop any more than they do in this panel (cough Alec Berg, Kyle Killen, Donald Todd, Pamela Ribon cough). So, be sure to sign up for this at registration.
OR
1045am @ The Driskill - Hart Hanson and Kathy Reichs: The Collaboration Process... Running these two panels simultaneously is the cruelest trick AFF played on me this year. I'll forgive them because I know both will be great.
1215pm @ The Austin Club - Awards Luncheon... You need a ticket for this shindig, but Hart Hanson and David Boreanaz will be there. So, yes, I have mine. If you didn't get one, never fear, there's more to come!
215pm @ The Driskill - In The TV Writers' Room*... I've emptied trash cans in a writers' room before, and, let me say, it's pretty magical. Oh, this is a panel where Noah Hawley, Sterling Anderson, and Nancy Pimental talk about television writing staffs? Yea, I guess that's cool too.
315pm @ Austin Convention Center - Bob's Burgers*... You get to watch a very funny show and then listen to a panel with the show's very funny creators. It's like having two birthdays in one, minus the creepy clown.
345pm @ The Driskill - Showrunners*... Wait, another panel with showrunners? Are you kidding me right now, AFF?
* Please note that these three panels overlap a bit. So, you get to pick between ridiculously amazing, hilariously amazing, and incredibly amazing. No pressure.
515pm @ Austin Convention Center - Bones... I'll be the girl in the front row having a private quote-along with myself. Unless they screen the Season 7 premiere, in which case, I'll be the girl in the front row dancing like Cosby, again.
730pm @ Austin Convention Center - Awake... I have only heard amazing things about this pilot, like, amazing things. Plus, Kyle Killen is a great friend to Austin and the Festival, so, go show him some love... in a completely normal, comfortable, respecting-his-personal-space sort of way. Please.
That's your Saturday, folks, a "Day of Television Amazing-ness!" If you've got one of them fancy badges, let's meet up at the Conference Wrap Party, compare onesies, and call it a day.
Oh, right, there's also three more days of panels and about a million amazing movies to watch (give or take).
Seriously, winning. Winning big time this year, AFF.
- Barbara
I'll be updating this blog and doing some tweeting throughout the Festival. Follow me, @babsamiga, and I'll try not to overdo it. I'll try really hard.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Website, y'all
I put up my website yesterday -
babsamiga.com
Sorry if you missed the launch party. ALL the famous people were there.
babsamiga.com
Sorry if you missed the launch party. ALL the famous people were there.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Road Trip Movie!
So, here it is, finally - my trip from the great state of Texas to Los Angeles. This is some of the poorest footage I have ever seen, shot, edited, etc. Soccer moms shoot better than this, well maybe not my mom, but anyway.*
It was pretty crazy going back through this footage about two months after the fact. One, we shot a lot of crap. Two, I am now familiar with the parts of Los Angeles that we shot. Finally, all anticipation and excitement around my apartment has since dissolved into the smoggy air that accompanies me to work every day. Although not today because the sun was shining and the weather was beautiful and life is wonderful and Texas is still better.
Anyway, thanks to Allison for capturing most of these glorious shots. Please contact me if you need B-roll of any of the following: road signs, roads, grass, rocks, water towers, sky, giant babies (oh yea, we've really got them).
Alright, watch the video. Thanks, bye.
* Sorry, mom!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Today, in my life...
Something happened to me today.
I pulled into a parking spot at Ralph's "Fresh Fare." Eat your heart out, Trader Joe's. Wearing my glasses and no makeup, I was in fine form to buy a cart full of "meals for lonely people." Anyway, as I walked to the front, I saw a young man sitting on the curb outside the store. He could not have been more than 25, and he was very good looking, in my opinion. Decked out in jeans and a North Face jacket, my friends back home would have thought we knew him, and my roommates here would vomit at his "frat appeal."
Like every other time I walk by a boy my age, I acted like I was busy with my phone, kept my eyes down, and tried to head inside as quickly as possible. But then, something happened.
"Excuse me," he said.
The smile was on my face before I turned to face him. I could tell something unusual was happening here. Maybe he was waiting for a friend, who never showed up, and he needed a ride. On the way to his two-bedroom apartment that he shares with a roommate and a dog, we would discuss our shared taste in 70's folk music. He would scoff at the Whitney billboard I made fun of last week. When I dropped him off, he would thank me. Maybe we would exchange numbers, hang out later, and get married down the line. Maybe, this would just be a great encounter to share with my six followers on Twitter. Either way, this was not going to be just another day at Ralph's. I was right.
"Can you spare some change?" he finished.
"Sorry, I can't," rushed out of my mouth, and I busied myself with my phone again and hurried inside.
Somewhere between clearing out the stock of peach Sweet Leaf and deciding between name and store brand versions of frozen fish fillets, I couldn't help but laugh. Then, my mind took off again. If I had given him change, or bought him lunch, we might have struck up a conversation. Maybe he does like 70's folk rock. Maybe he likes peach tea too. If we got married, what would we tell people when they asked us how we met?
I pulled into a parking spot at Ralph's "Fresh Fare." Eat your heart out, Trader Joe's. Wearing my glasses and no makeup, I was in fine form to buy a cart full of "meals for lonely people." Anyway, as I walked to the front, I saw a young man sitting on the curb outside the store. He could not have been more than 25, and he was very good looking, in my opinion. Decked out in jeans and a North Face jacket, my friends back home would have thought we knew him, and my roommates here would vomit at his "frat appeal."
Like every other time I walk by a boy my age, I acted like I was busy with my phone, kept my eyes down, and tried to head inside as quickly as possible. But then, something happened.
"Excuse me," he said.
The smile was on my face before I turned to face him. I could tell something unusual was happening here. Maybe he was waiting for a friend, who never showed up, and he needed a ride. On the way to his two-bedroom apartment that he shares with a roommate and a dog, we would discuss our shared taste in 70's folk music. He would scoff at the Whitney billboard I made fun of last week. When I dropped him off, he would thank me. Maybe we would exchange numbers, hang out later, and get married down the line. Maybe, this would just be a great encounter to share with my six followers on Twitter. Either way, this was not going to be just another day at Ralph's. I was right.
"Can you spare some change?" he finished.
"Sorry, I can't," rushed out of my mouth, and I busied myself with my phone again and hurried inside.
Somewhere between clearing out the stock of peach Sweet Leaf and deciding between name and store brand versions of frozen fish fillets, I couldn't help but laugh. Then, my mind took off again. If I had given him change, or bought him lunch, we might have struck up a conversation. Maybe he does like 70's folk rock. Maybe he likes peach tea too. If we got married, what would we tell people when they asked us how we met?
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Now that classes have begun...
I've been in Los Angeles for about three weeks now, and have finally settled in, somewhat, to my class and internship schedule.
First and foremost, the trip over here from Houston was quite a doozy. My friend Allison and I broke it up into three days - stopping in Fort Stockton, TX (gross) and Tucson, AZ (boring). Allison served as videographer, and by golly, I think she has a future in home movies. I'm hoping to post a video of the trip this weekend, so stay tuned. As the television season hasn't picked up yet, I know you have nothing better to do.
Upon arriving at the Oakwood, the jail where I will be living until December, I was unpleasantly surprised by two giant stains on our carpet, a disintegrating blanket, and a number of probably poisonous insects. Since then, however, they sent someone to clean the carpet, and I have Raid-ed every nook of the apartment. What's bad for bugs is great for hallucinations and headaches.
Although I only have classes on Mondays, they are the worst part of my week. Each class is three hours long, two of my teachers humblebrag about every 5 seconds, and one class I love, but it's not the most stimulating.
But all of that is okay because I love my internship, as in, a lot. I ended up as an intern in the writer's office for Private Practice. I have only been twice, but I know that I want to work as a television writer or around television writers for the rest of my career. That is, at the very least, a load off my chest because it would suck if I had to change my whole life and go back for med school or law school or something easy like that. But yesterday, at a table read (coughhumblebragcough) I was sitting there, and said to myself, "Hell yea, Shonda Rhimes, I totally want to be in your shoes one day." Not literally, though, because 1. those are her shoes, and 2. I could never pull off gold flats.
All and all, things are grand with me, and I will leave you with some life lessons I have learned in Los Angeles thus far -
1. The yellow light really is just a suggestion. As long as you're out of the intersection before someone hits you, it's all good.
2. Apparently every hamburger in Los Angeles is the best hamburger in the world because they all cost around $15.00. Which leads me to believe that you have to spend a lot of money out here to make little to no money out here.
3. Everyone always talks about people being real jerks in Hollywood, which sent me out here with the mentality that, as an intern or PA, you never speak unless spoken at because no one cares about anything you have to say. Everyone I've met is super nice, and it's probably a good idea that I don't stand their looking like the most socially awkward person in the world. I mean, I am that person, but for other reasons.
4. Texas is the best place in the whole universe, but the weather out here cannot be beat.
- Barbara
First and foremost, the trip over here from Houston was quite a doozy. My friend Allison and I broke it up into three days - stopping in Fort Stockton, TX (gross) and Tucson, AZ (boring). Allison served as videographer, and by golly, I think she has a future in home movies. I'm hoping to post a video of the trip this weekend, so stay tuned. As the television season hasn't picked up yet, I know you have nothing better to do.
Upon arriving at the Oakwood, the jail where I will be living until December, I was unpleasantly surprised by two giant stains on our carpet, a disintegrating blanket, and a number of probably poisonous insects. Since then, however, they sent someone to clean the carpet, and I have Raid-ed every nook of the apartment. What's bad for bugs is great for hallucinations and headaches.
Although I only have classes on Mondays, they are the worst part of my week. Each class is three hours long, two of my teachers humblebrag about every 5 seconds, and one class I love, but it's not the most stimulating.
But all of that is okay because I love my internship, as in, a lot. I ended up as an intern in the writer's office for Private Practice. I have only been twice, but I know that I want to work as a television writer or around television writers for the rest of my career. That is, at the very least, a load off my chest because it would suck if I had to change my whole life and go back for med school or law school or something easy like that. But yesterday, at a table read (coughhumblebragcough) I was sitting there, and said to myself, "Hell yea, Shonda Rhimes, I totally want to be in your shoes one day." Not literally, though, because 1. those are her shoes, and 2. I could never pull off gold flats.
All and all, things are grand with me, and I will leave you with some life lessons I have learned in Los Angeles thus far -
1. The yellow light really is just a suggestion. As long as you're out of the intersection before someone hits you, it's all good.
2. Apparently every hamburger in Los Angeles is the best hamburger in the world because they all cost around $15.00. Which leads me to believe that you have to spend a lot of money out here to make little to no money out here.
3. Everyone always talks about people being real jerks in Hollywood, which sent me out here with the mentality that, as an intern or PA, you never speak unless spoken at because no one cares about anything you have to say. Everyone I've met is super nice, and it's probably a good idea that I don't stand their looking like the most socially awkward person in the world. I mean, I am that person, but for other reasons.
4. Texas is the best place in the whole universe, but the weather out here cannot be beat.
- Barbara
Sunday, May 1, 2011
My Graduation "Photo"
Thank you for taking the time to watch this. It lasts about as long as the time that I spent on it (in case you couldn't tell).
But, yes, it is really happening. I am graduating from college... but I'm not leaving school just yet, why would anyone want to?! I'll be spending a semester out in Los Angeles, taking classes and landing an internship. From there - homelessness?
Hopefully, I will find some work to do out there after the semester is over. Shooting for a job in television, specifically writing. I aspire to be locked in a room for hours on end with other writers eating junk food, telling jokes, losing my tan, not sleeping, not showering etc. What a career goal - please send money.
Anyway, since this blog starts with my graduation, I plan to keep it up on my adventures into the great L.A. So, if you want, check in to see what I'm up to, whose coffee I'm getting (with "sugar" or without, Mr. Sheen?), and whether or not I have a home.
Finally, I know the video doesn't relay my feelings completely, but a GIANT thank you to everyone who has gotten me to this point -
Dad and Mom, for 1. having me, and 2. making it possible for me to be at this place right now. I know it took a lot of work, money, and sacrifices, but I'm worth it. Right?
Charlotte, for being a part of all the dumb videos I've done over the years - whichever one of us makes it to Hollywood first has to bring the other one along (unless it's me, and then SEE YA!).
All my other family and friends, for putting up with me and letting me live long enough to get here. An extra thank you to those who supported me and laughed at my jokes... to those who didn't, I will forget you in all my award acceptance speeches.
It really did take all of you - family, friends (facebook and otherwise), classmates, teachers, teammates, coaches, bosses, colleagues, roommates, pets, random people at parties - to make me "me." And rest easy, all the dumb and embarrassing stuff you've done over the years will be on screen someday. Just a heads up!
Again, thank you so much for visiting. Please feel free to leave comments, advice, jokes, riddles, poems, X's and O's, whatever.
All the love in my full, full heart,
Barbara
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